Just The Facts about Sexually Transmitted Infections

Virginity, 'first times' and the hymen myth

Ever heard people talk about the 'hymen', losing their virginity or vaginal bleeding after first-time penetrative sex?

Well, there are a lot of myths around all of this - some of which can be quite scary or dangerous - so we're here to set the story straight.


First up: what actually is the hymen?

The hymen is a stretchy collar of tissue just inside the entrance to the vagina. The hormone oestrogen changes the appearance of your hymen over a person's lifetime. After puberty, the hymen becomes more stretchy – a bit like a hair scrunchy. Just like our noses are all slightly different, hymens are all slightly different too!  Check out our anatomy page for a diagram.


 Importantly, the hymen has nothing to do with virginity:


  • The hymen is  not like a piece of Glad Wrap at the entrance of your vagina (thankfully).
  • You can't tell if someone is a virgin or not by looking at their hymen.
  • You can't break or damage your hymen doing activities like gymnastics or riding a horse.
  • It isn't common for tampon use to affect your hymen.
  • There have been many myths about the hymen around for thousands of years. Even medical people believed them. But we now know it was all wrong...

So what about bleeding during first-time vaginal penetration sex?

Firstly it's important to stress that sex ≠ penis+vagina, or any type of vaginal penetration in fact! These definitions of sex are heteronormative, and sex can involve lots of different types of touching, regardless of someone's sexuality - we're all different.


Secondly, it's not common for someone to bleed the first time they have vaginal penetrative sex. It can sometimes happen, since some hymens may develop a small tear when stretched (remember, all hymens are different, and some are more stretchy/different shapes than others). The tissue of the hymen is well-supplied with blood, but most people's hymens will heal very quickly and there would be no sign of damage within a few days. The blood could also be coming from other parts of the vagina - for example, tiny splits can happen in other parts of the entrance to the vagina. Again, these would heal very quickly.


Importantly, you can't tell if someone is a "virgin" or not based on whether they bleed the first time they have sex.


Hang on - what's virginity then??

Ultimately, virginity isn't a physical change to someone's body like it's made out to be. It's an idea - a social construct - and what that means is that you decide what it means to you.


There are also a lot of gender double standards around virginity. For instance, women and girls are often slut-shamed for being sexually active, whereas men and boys might be pressured to be sexually active or shamed if they're a "virgin". Check out MTV Decoded's video on virginity double standards (below) for more on this!

The impact of virginity myths for those who have experienced sexual violence

People who experience sexual violence, including sexual assault and rape, can be left with very difficult feelings. This might include feeling like their virginity has been taken away from them. Their friends and family might feel this way too.


Understanding about virginity can help give back a feeling of control to survivors of sexual violence. If we understand that the idea of 'virginity' is ours to decide about, then it's not something that someone can take away from us.


Those who have experienced sexual assault or rape might also be worried that their sexual partners will somehow know that the abuse has happened to them - but this is not the case, unless they choose to tell them.


Unfortunately, incorrect ideas about virginity are still around today, resulting in practices like "virginity testing" and "hymen reconstruction". There are lots of people around the world raising awareness about these issues, and helping others understand that they are medically incorrect and very harmful.


Your body belongs to you: you have control over it, and whether and when you have sex is your choice to make.
 

If you are worried about sexual violence, abuse or assault, click here to get help.

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